- scripts - Psycho Hotline -
Psycho Hotline

ART: 3 min
"Psycho Hotline" commercial
props TV set, phone number cards, papers, straight jacket, stocks

Madmoiselle Lechris, I just feel so lonely lately. I don't feel like I have anyone I can talk to these days.

Madmoiselle Lechris:
Well, Child, I think you need to call my friends at the IPN.

The IPN?

Madmoiselle Lechris:
Yes, Child, IPN. The International Psycho Network. You can call and talk to real, certified psychos.

Now you can get in touch with our live, caring psychos on IPN's Psycho Network.

coordinating visual: Brandon as crazy guy, straightjacketed, trying to answer phone.

Call now and get the first 50 minutes free!

coordinating visual: someone runs onstage with a 1-800-STRANGE card. someone else runs onstage after with a 1-800-555-3890 card

Madmoiselle Lechris:
Just listen to a few of our satisfied customers.

Nick V.:
I called wanting to know where I could meet some nice, normal, well-adjusted people.

I didn't just give him a few suggestions. No. I gave him a variatable smorgasboard of places, places where my buddies and I used to hang. Very trusting, friendly people there. (laughs oddly).

Nick V.
He also gave me a list of places where his friends were. I haven't gotten to that list yet. (looks at a paper). State Pen...hmmm...must be a college.

I called my psycho and when I had just given him my name, he began to tell me all sorts of things about my life, stuff only those close to me know. It was almost as if he had been stalking me...

I called my psycho for investment advice. He told me to to buy up half of Microsoft. I'm now half as rich as Bill Gates! I'm sure glad my psycho was so in touch with stocks!

Mike H. appears in stocks
Mike H.:
I've been in stocks for quite a while now.

Madmoiselle Lechris, you were right! My psycho was so responsive and she made me feel so normal.

Madmoiselle Lechris:
Of course, Child. Our psychos are incredibly crazy, so that even the most abnormal person will feel average! (to audience) Call IPN's Psycho Hotline today and find a psycho that's right for you.

Phone number cards again

Federal law does not permit the revealing of your address, permanent or temporary, and discourages the use of real names. MisterCard, Lisa and Bohemian Express accepted.

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